Journal Entry: Christmas Day 2012
I finally hit my breaking point.
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I already determined, like the biblical Elisha, after his epically failed 'text message' confrontation with Jezebel, I too would go AWOL, run away to a deserted place, and hope to die. Not so much physically...as I know better ...but never the less...I wanted this heart of HIS, now beating incessantly in me to just...
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You see, this Christmas Eve, as the life force of resuscitated memories pushed through veins that had already collapsed under the weight of its own sin and regrets, my heart began to beat again. This heart's beating and [this] heart's flow in total opposition to the TRANSPLANTED one FREELY given and paid for by ITS divine and original owner (JESUS CHRIST).
In this 'proverbial' valley of…this shadow of death too ... between 'shouts' and 'bouts' of pity, anger and despair, just as I began collapsing for lack of HIS oxygen under my very personal and very dead Elisha fig tree, THE COMFORTER, began faithfully administering HIS own CPR [of sorts] to my weakened and fibrillating soul.
WHEN I could breathe no more, my own heart attack reaching its mortal climax, the Holy Spirit, chose HIS turn to speak to my soul, and exhort my own spirit to simply...
…BUT REMEMBER…
[But remember] that day, May 11, 2011, even after ‘I ‘told you to go home, after ‘I’ miraculously reprogrammed your GPS to take the exit towards home, orchestrated construction that blocked you from getting back on the highway for over an hour...and, even, with your heart of defiance...
[But remember] how that very late afternoon, despite my warning after warning, ‘I’ quickly dispatched from the Father’s Throne Room, one of my stronger minister's (angels) to wrap you in a cocoon of MY Grace, physically holding you tight [as I do every day by My Holy Spirit... Michael], as your car...travelling 70 mph, flipped four times in mid-air, crossing all those busy lanes of traffic in the heat of summer rush hour, landing upside down.
Remember… the windows? How they were blown out...
Remember...finding both of your shoes a quarter of a mile down the road?
Remember...how the car landed just so that you were able to crawl out, unaided from that totally destroyed and mangled heap of steel, fuel and glass, without you having experienced:
- any broken or fractured bones
- any cuts or lacerations
- any brain trauma
- back injury or even soreness to follow
not even a welt mark, MUCH LESS A CRACKED OR BROKEN COLLAR BONE where the manufactured seat belt was DESIGNED to hold you in place, as it was 'I' that held you that day in perfect 'stillness' not allowing your body to violently follow THOSE shoes and the other pieces of ‘things’ both inside and outside of your vehicle strewn over a quarter mile of interstate 83 that day.
Remember…in that very moment…when crying out my name…you oddly pondered… how and why your head...your body remained perfectly upright and moved neither to the left, right, front or backwards...EVEN AS you could see the rest of the car, its contents spin wildly about you, as the glass shattered all around you but not even a shard or sliver landed on you or your suit you wore that day.
By My Prevenient Grace alone, YOU ultimately "walked away" from this horrific accident...just as you started your journey…whole.
REMEMBER… Michael.
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For me that was enough...but HE continued through my tears now and HE said in spite of the ‘breaking’ and ‘breaking’ of you…son
Remember...how I hid you from the very wrath of those, who promised you the world, more accumulated wealth and notoriety for the simple fee of your soul, a sworn oath and rejection of ME and you dared defied them...proclaiming,for Me you live and for Me you would die and 'I' protected you.
Remember...in spite of the loss of 'things', the heartbreak of the rejection that followed, 'I' always provided a place, a meal, a helping hand.
Remember…during the harshest, most devastating days and nights when you felt no hope, 'I", always through sign, symbol and circumstance, spoke a word of love, encouragement and acknowledgement, ever reminding you that ‘I’remain still, your Great 'I AM’ and ‘I’ will never leave nor forsake you, or ever give you more than you can bear.
How ‘I’ reminded you, “everything...'I' mean everything works out for the good of them that love ME and are called according to MY purpose...”
...and I did remember...
...and I did remember...
Yet, still broken, still heavy...quietly whispering and wondering...but LORD, I am tired, hurt and alone...remembering AND repeating this very cry and sentiment of THE ONE who whispered to me now...
"Please, if there is any way...let this cup you have for me...pass from me too..."
But...nevertheless...not my will but YOUR will be done."
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And on that Christmas Eve, ...as I do before lying down, I read all of Psalm 91 and started turning towards my last bedtime scripture recitation taken from Mark Chapter 3.
BUT, with exception this time, as this evening Psalm 91 spoke back to me as never before...
and as I, again, read the following verses...
(Psalms 91:14-16 KJV)
14.Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15.He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16.With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.
HIS PRECIOUS HOLY SPIRIT whispered...now read Psalm 23...
and for the life of me, I had no inkling neither recollection of the words or the content of this all too familiar numbered Psalm.
Nevertheless, out of obedience, I flipped back the pages...ironically struggling for almost half a minute separating the two‘stuck’ pages, revealing this 23rd Song of David...a Warrior, King and Priest, so favored by Our Lord, HE called him a ‘brotha’ after HIS own heart...
and;
It was at that very moment, as I began to read...his Psalm [now my Psalm too]...I all but fell to my knees weeping uncontrollably...as the King of Kings whispered, a bit louder this time...
"BUT REMEMBER..."
1.The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2.He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3.He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4.Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5.Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6.Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
(Psalms 23:1-6 KJV)
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So this Christmas day, even after hearing of the passing of my maternal family member at 9 a.m. this morning, I, Michael A. Walker, mounted on the wings of HIS Holy Eagle, with hands held high and eyes to the sky
…worshipfully proclaim…
Happy Birthday, Our EMMANUEL, for you are now, more than ever, The True and Only Living God 'WHO IS' with us!
and;
with this proclamation…my humble two gifts 'i' present this Christmas morn', Jesus, are the only gifts/sacrifices I can rightfully and gladly give you...not just today but everyday…that being me, all of me, exposed, unwrapped, broken and contrite.
and;
my worship...because you are, have been and will ever be the great ‘I Am’!
The Christmas card accompanying the gifts above is simple enough, as it reads of my myriad praise for you Lord, for all eternity, because YOU saw me AND us all and simply loved us beyond hope, reason or circumstance…
10.This is real love--not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:10
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For those who are in despair…this holiday season…for whatever reason…PLEASE, DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP!
In your 'loneliness' you are never alone.
In your brokenness...the plan of the Creator of All is to put you back together again...in the perfection of HIS Divine will and purpose and know this...
AND SIMPLY..."BUT REMEMBER..."
Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death? It is exactly as the Scriptures say, “For you we face death all daylong. We are like sheep on their way to be butchered.” In everything we have won more than a victory because of Christ who loves us. I am sure that nothing can separate us from God's love—not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God's love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!
(Romans 8:35-39 CEV)
JESUS CHRIST, THE LAMB OF GOD, THE RISEN SAVIOUR IS THE REASON FOR THIS SEASON…PERIOD!
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